I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Vodka?
Forever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
