No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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