Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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