You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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