Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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