I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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