i wish starbucks made bloody marys
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
