4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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