I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
