I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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