I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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