i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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