My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
