btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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