I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
