A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
