I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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