I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
