I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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