Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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