and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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