woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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