don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
