woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
