I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
