Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you inspire me to be a worse person
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
