low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
