Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
