I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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