That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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