You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
