i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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