we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
