A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
