Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Your cock deserves a montage
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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