I've blown a few things in my day
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
