home. puking in laundry basket.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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