i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
