Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
