I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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