Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
