i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
