i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
