Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
