do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
