I am in a vortex of obligation.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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