this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
