Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
