You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
