How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
