just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
